Glistening

I am determined to GLISTEN at least 5 days a week. I have been "working out" since August but need to step it up a notch. So far this week I am 2 for 2. Yay! Go me! It doesnt look pretty, it doesn't smell pretty, but it sure does feel great.

I Think I Can!

I was thinking tonight of the chidren's book about the litte engine that could. While doing the hard thing, pulling the heavy trains up the steep hill, the engine repeated over and over again, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."

I am still feeling confident today that I can do this. So far it has been almost too easy. Yesterday and today I was 100% faithful and it didn't seem hard. While doing some homework I thought...hmmm at this time I would have already had some candy kisses, chocolate frosting on a graham cracker, and probably a couple pieces of toast...and those are all just for snacks. I am learning some things about myself. I am learning that eating occupied a huge part of my thoughts. Now that I am more scheduled with my three meals and two snacks, I don't graze all day long. I know I will have breakfast at 7:30, a snack at 10, lunch at 1, a snack at 3:00 and dinner at 5:30. Sometimes I skip the afternoon snack and move it to about 7 just because if I am watching tv I like to have a litte something. But at the same time, I don't want to eat much past 7. Anyway, so far so good.

Well, time to go to sleep. That 6:45 exercise class comes early. I just wanted to remember:



And I for one think I can do this....because it is time!

The Journey

...and I am on my way! Exercised this morning and had my breakfast of Cheerios and Almond Breeze. I am looking forward to the day ahead. Yesterday was the first day of my journey and I felt it was very successful. I stuck to my eating plan and felt satisfied. However, I was dizzy and had a dull headache. This morning I was feeling a bit light-headed too. I know it is because I am going through sugar withdrawals. I still eat 15 grams of sugar a day, but the past few weeks I have always had candy kisses or peanut m&ms nearby. When I think about addiction, I recognize that sugar and carbs are my main addiction. This eating plan allows 6 servings of carbs a day and 15 grams of sugar. That seems adequate. I know before I was overloading my body with these two things. Hopefully I can get balanced out and feel more energy. More than anything though, I want to feel mentally strong; I want to feel as if I have control over food and food does not have control over me. I am excited for this journey I am embarking on...and I am so thankful for the support and help of my daughter. She is a wonderful example of perseverence. Love you Brooklyn.

It has begun!

So yesterday was preparation day for "The Time is Now". I cleaned out all the junk food from the pantry. Expired food and junk food was thrown away - this amounted to four very full trash bags. All other unopened foods that didn't meet my new requirements were bagged up for the food bank. We have six bags of food to donate to those in need. The pantry looks pretty empty, but that is okay. What usually lingers in pantries is fat-laden, sugar-laden foods and these are not part of my new design. This picture is representative of many items I had in my pantry...but I never cared much for Hamburger Helper.



Brooklyn and I then sat down and figured up four days worth of menus. Baby steps. I figured it would be easier if we could get a few days under our belt and repeat them until we had it under control. We could add other meals later. We made the grocery list and were off to the store. We checked labels and criss-crossed the store many times looking for the items that fit our criteria, as well as the best price (fresh vs. frozen). Sometimes it is more expensive to eat "right". We arrived home with our food and stocked the newly cleaned pantry and refrigerator.



The program has begun.
Waist measurement day 1: 39 inches
Hip measurement day 1: 47 inches.

No scale, just a measurement each Sunday morning.

It Is Time!

The clock keeps ticking on and I find myself in the same situations over and over again. I am ready to make a change.

Everytime I get dressed, everytime I walk into a room, it clouds my every thought and my every interaction. It dictates where I go and if I go. It has too much control over my life. I feel like I am broken.



I find logs from Weight Watchers, HCG, Nutrisystem, and more and always my starting weight is the same. I don't want this to be my setpoint. I am so tired of it. I feel like I keep going backwards.



I have been here before, many times. What will make this time different? I feel like I keep going in circles.



There are times I wonder "who cares"? Does it really matter? Can't people just like me for me? Can't I just like myself as I am?



But then I remember, I am tired of having curves in all the wrong places. I am tired of looking lumpy and irregularly shaped. I am tired of feeling abnormal.



I am tired of the times I feel out of control. Everything is a blur and I don't think I can ever make a difference or get a handle on this.



I am tired of feeling there is no time. Working two jobs, in college, single mom, doing everything...lawn care, car care, hanging the outside Christmas lights, waking up to see what the noise in the night is...times a partner could be sharing my load. Tired of the discouragement, of the failure, of the all consuming thoughts. But there has to be time...somehow I have to find it.



This time I want it to be different. I don't want the quick fix. I don't want the scale. This time I want the tape measure. Stepping on the scale is like taking a college final...frightening. No matter how hard I tried, I can fail. Then that number sticks in my head all day, sabotages me. I don't want to step on the scale again for a long time. The tape measure can come out every week or two. Not so scary. And if the number isn't quite right, it could be blamed on where the tape measure was placed this time vs. last time. But the scale...it never lies. It might move a little if it is placed on the carpet instead of the tile...or if I lean forward a little instead of standing straight up, or if I make sure to pee or take off the earrings before climbing onto it. But it is not enough to give me the cheer I need to keep going. And what if it is nearing that time of the month? Pounds can be added on in just a day. Even though my head can rationalize the reasons, they never feel good and they never feel right. Slow and steady wins the race. I want to make changes that are barely noticeable but will lead to a great end result. Where will I be in 20 years...hopefully still here but better. More content. More in control.



Because time never stops!



It is almost the midnight hour!



And the time is now....



There are no more excuses... this is it!