Melancholy

As each day passes I seem to become more and more melancholy. It is the time of year...and this year in particular.

On Saturday it will be the one year anniversary of my dad's death. Remembering all the emotions of last year, the final goodbyes, the laying next to him as he was taking his last breaths. I have not listened to the Christmas Story he recorded, but plan to tonight. I wonder if it will bring me peace or sadness.



Also, this Christmas I will be without my children. Divorce is a very ugly thing. How can I be living for next Christmas, when it will be "my turn" and not enjoy this Christmas?Since Brooklyn will be her dad for Christmas, we will be opening presents tonight. I try to remind myself that it is the season, not the day. But when you know so many in the world are celebrating in their homes, with their families, it makes me feel a little lost when the day actually does come around. I need to put my heart in the right place...at the feet of my Savior.



Just as the balloons add color to the gloomy picture, I have a bright spot. My son, Elder Moore, will be calling from Nicaragua on Sunday. I will be so excited to see his face, via skype, and to hear his voice. He has the ability to make me laugh simply because he is one crazy kid.



So as Christmas comes and goes, so will the ebb and flow of my emotions. Thank goodness we have a new year to look forward to. May 2012 be bright and colorful and full of possibilities!